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She Went on 36 First Dates in a Year--and Here's What Happened

Whew! Our world has been crazy lately, right? If you’re like me, you could use a little positivity today.

Good news! I’d like to hold out some hope to you. Before I share more about that, I want to share that within the last week I’ve received several emails from single women with sentiments like these:

“Shana, there aren’t any quality men in my area. I mean, there are nooooo men!”

“Men don’t ever approach me. I am losing hope.”

“I feel like I’m invisible to men.”

“Maybe I’m just meant to be alone.”

Oh, man. I completely understand these sentiments. Because I was unmarried well into my forties, I had plenty of time to utter each of them more than once at different points in my single journey. Being single, when you’d rather not be, can sometimes feel discouraging.

That said, I now realize that when I spoke the above phrases, they revealed something about what I believed:

I believed that...

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Why Women Panic About Love

 When I was single, one of my good friends, Cyndi, started dating a man who lived in another state. They traveled to see one another every couple months for about a year and a half—and it was starting to get serious. So much so, that he was considering moving to her city. 

My friend and her beau hoped the move would help them deepen their relationship even more, and that they would marry.  

One evening when I spoke with my girlfriend, she shared her fears in the form of “What ifs”? 

“He’s thinking of moving here and I really love him and want to marry him, but what if he moves here and it doesn’t work out?”

“What if his family doesn’t approve?” 

"What if his mom’s health deteriorates and he regrets coming to be with me?” 

“What if my kids aren’t okay with him?” 

“What if he decides that he really doesn’t like me?”

And on and on she went. 

...

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3 Types of Men--and the 1 Type--You Should Definitely Date

 

 From coaching women, I often find that there are three types of men that come across their paths. (All three of these types of men were a part of my dating journey.)

It can get confusing about which one of these types you should go out with--or date-so today I am going to demystify this topic and show you who which type of man is the kind of guy that makes a great mate.

3 TYPES OF MEN

Mr. High Physical Attraction

The first type of man is the man you are immediately attracted to. There's chemistry between the two of you. Sparks are flying and when you go home, you call your girlfriend, "Oh my gosh, this guy was so awesome and you can't wait to see him again." I call this man, "Mr. High Physical Attraction."

Mr. Comfortable

The 2nd type of man is the type that you feel comfortable with. He's the man that you're thinking could be a really great friend. You feel comfortable around him. You feel emotionally and physically safe around him. He respects your boundaries. You can...

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4 Things You Can Do to Improve Your Love Life in 2020 (Part 4) + FREE COACHING

 

What do you do when you feel like you're not enough. . . not enough for love, not enough for a man to respect you, not enough for a man to be loyal. . .just not enough?

Today I want to talk about how this belief can negatively affect your love life—and also what to do about it so you can improve your opportunities to find a trustworthy, marriage-minded man. 

This is the 4th topic in my series, “4 Things You Can Do to Improve Your Love Life in 2020.”

….

I often hear the single women I coach say, “I feel like I'm not enough.”

“I'm not enough to be loved.”

“I'm not enough for a man to remain interested in me.”

“I’m not pretty enough.”

“Not interesting enough.”

“I’m not enough” comes in many forms. But ultimately, it’s rooted in the belief that “I am not enough to get the love I want.”

There are a couple results of this belief that can affect your...

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4 Things You Can Do to Improve Your Love Life in 2020 (Part 3)

 

In the last two videos I started a series on 4 Things You Can Do to Improve Your Love Life in 2020.

The thing I wish for you is that you’ll wake up at the beginning of next year and you’ll be in a loving relationship with a man who respects and adores you, or you’ll be  further down the road to finding that man because you’ll be better equipped. You'll know more than ever how to have a healthy and loving relationship.

Great news! These 4 Things to Help You Improve Your Love Life aren’t dependent on anything outside your control. They’re all about you--and any woman can do them. 

If you haven’t watched the first 2 videos, I invite you to go back and do that. The links for both of them are below.

Alright, so today is the 3rd thing you can do to improve your love life in 2020 and it’s. . . . (drum roll please) . . .

Ditch what I call absolute or all-or-nothing thinking.

For example, here are some of the things that I hear women...

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4 Things You Can Do to Improve Your Love Life in 2020 (Part 2)

 

Great news! There are 4 Things you can do this year to improve your love life that are completely within your control.

These 4 Things aren’t dependent on if you don’t have a man in your life, if you have a bunch of dates lined up this week, or if there are a multitude of eligible men who live in your town. And, you can do these 4 Things right now. 

Last week, I shared the first of 4 Things. This week, I’m sharing the second. 

Drum roll please. . .

Take some things off your list.

(Did I just hear you groan? Please stay with me. I promise that this will be an encouragement.)

You know the “list” I'm talking about. It’s that  list that you may have revised over the years. You’ve journaled about it; you’ve prayed over it.

It’s that list of everything you want in a man. 

Maybe you're thinking, “Shana, I don't want to take anything off my list because that means I won't get what I want in a man, and that...

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4 Things You Can Do to Improve Your Love Life in 2020 (Part 1)

 

If you’re like most of the single women I know, you’ve got some dreams for the New Year. And, even though you have it together in many areas of your life, there is one dream you’d like to see fulfilled this year: you’d like to find a man who loves you, adores you, and accepts you for you.

In my next few videos, I’m going to share 4 things you can personally do to improve your relational life.

These are things you have complete control over.

They aren’t dependent on a man being around. They aren’t dependent on how many dates you have lined up this week, whether or not you feel desirable or believe if any man would be interested in you. These are 4 things every woman can do to improve her love life.

To begin with the first change you can make to improve your love life, let me say this:

By the time you get to be a particular age, you’ve had a lot of things happen to you in your relational life, and some of those things haven’t been...

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4 Times to DTR (Define the Relationship)

 

What do you do if you're interested in a man, but you're not sure where the relationship is going, and he isn't providing the clarity you need to know what he really thinks?

Here are 4 times when initiating the conversation to DTR (define the relationship) would be in order. 

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The One Big Dating Mistake That Can Keep You From Love

 

When I was single, there were seasons when I spent a lot of time hanging out with guys I wasn’t interested in.  These were nice men—friends even—but I couldn’t ever see myself developing a long-term relationship with any of them.

Why did I do this, especially when it was such an unproductive move for my dating life?

Sometimes it was because I was bored; sometimes it was because there weren’t any other men around that I was interested in, and sometimes it was—honestly—because I wasn’t sure a relationship was going to happen for me. Over the years I had started to lose hope.

So, what wasn’t happening when I was hanging out with these men who would never become my Mister?

I wasn’t meeting new men. And, I wonder if there were men who didn’t notice me because I was with a guy.

If I was out and about with one of my guy friends, another man may not have spoken with me because I was with another man.

If I was at...

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You Can Date with Confidence and Clarity: More on the 5 Stages that Lead to the Wedding Altar

Hi, Single Over 30 Lady! 

Good news! The 5 Stages That Lead to the Wedding Altar aren’t confusing because they’re pretty obvious: 

1)     Acquaintances
2)     Friendship
3)     Exclusive Dating
4)     Engagement
5)     Marriage

Pretty straightforward, right? 

But it’s not the stages that are the problem, it’s knowing how to navigate the stages, and understanding the behaviors that should go in each stage that is often confusing. (Believe me, I’ve been there!)

For example, do any of the following questions sound familiar?
  • How do I tell if he is serious about me?
  • Should I ask him if he is serious about me?
  • How long should I know a man before we exclusively date? 
  • What should I know about a man before we exclusively date?
  • What do I do if my expectations and the stage of the relationship don’t match?
  • How...
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