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In a Facebook group for men and women over 30, one of the men wrote:
Ladies, let's say that you FINALLY meet your guy. He checks all the boxes and there seems to be little imperfection about him. Your family loves him, as do your friends. It seems that he is that one very rare gem. It even so happens that he takes the knee and you say, “yes.” Yay! You are getting married.
Then he drops a bomb on you: he has bouts with pornography (or lust). But here is the deal: he knows it's wrong and he is desperately trying to quit. He is willing to do counseling and whatever else is needed.
Would you call off the engagement because of this or do you vow to walk beside him every step of the way? I mean, it's obvious he wants to stop.
In another online group, a woman asked:
Should I continue a relationship with a man who has a real problem with pornography? When we started dating, I didn’t know that he was looking at porn. Recently, we started...
Many women want to be happy, have a relationship that lasts, and have more passion in their love life. Great news! If you can relate, studies have been conducted to explain the number one way to accomplish this.
Finding Happiness in a Relationship
Purdue University conducted a study that was published in The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships that revealed ONE THING that does more for the long-term survival, happiness, and passion of couples than anything else.
The researchers of this study surveyed couples and asked what they valued most about their relationships. Their responses showed that the number one secret to a long-lasting, romantic relationship wasn’t the chemistry that we often think is the most important in love. Instead it’s friendship.
This study showed that valuing friendship with a partner helps create a relationship with more commitment,...
Many things can sabotage a relationship when it first starts--including the words you say to a man. In the beginning, a relationship can be fragile especially since two people don’t know one another well and trust between them hasn’t fully developed. That’s why it’s important that you don’t say these three things to a man, lest you sabotage a relationship that has great potential.
Maybe you’ve said this before to a man because you don’t want him to think you are taking advantage of him, you’re needy, or you’re only out for what he can give you, such as money. Maybe you’ve heard that a lack of independence doesn’t make for a great relationship and men...
I recently listened to a Ted Talk by Brené Brown on the power of vulnerability. In her marvelous presentation, she said something that struck me.
People who have whole-hearted, vulnerable, intimate, connected, and close relationships only have one thing that separates them from people who don't have these kinds of life-giving relationships: they believe love is possible.
When you hear this, maybe you're thinking, “Shana, I used to believe it was possible. I used to think it was possible to have a great relationship and to have the kind of love I've always dreamed of, but I've lost hope.”
I get it. It can be difficult to hold onto hope as you age. That said, here’s something...
Because I didn’t marry until I was 46, there were times I felt as if all the good men were taken.
This week, I received another message from a woman who asked, “Where are the guys who are committed to honoring a woman, being a provider, and who believe in chivalry? Instead, all I seem to attract are men who are needy, weak men . . . men who don’t have their lives together and who are always leaning on others. There aren’t any strong men anywhere.”
So, what do you do when you feel as if you’re only attracting needy men who aren’t the kind you’d like to marry. . .men who--for lack of better terms--don’t seem as if they have grown up?
Today, I want to share seven tips if you can...
In this special blog post, my husband, Clark, joins me in a dialogue about the best way to draw a man to you and one way that will push him away. Women push men away in this way all the time without even realizing it. You can avoid it, and become more attractive to men.
Shana: Sometimes women tease a guy, that they like, right in front of other people. Some women might have more “teasing” personalities than others. But Clark, tell me, if I am going to tease you in front of other people, when is it good? Or when is it not good?
Clark: It’s never good.
Shana: Why is it never good?
Clark: Guys have egos. We're proud. And we're insecure at our core. So if you make us look stupid, first of all, we don't like that to begin with. If you make...
One of the questions I often receive from women is like this:
“I don’t know how quickly I should move from just meeting someone to dating exclusively. I end up giving my heart away too soon and then I get hurt when the relationship ends. How do I know when to take it further with a guy?"
This can be a difficult topic. How do you know when to take it further with a man? How long should you know someone before exclusively dating?
Some people will say that you should date for several months before becoming exclusive, or for six months. There are all types of time frames that you may have heard about how long you should know a man before becoming exclusive.
Other people say that they are exclusive from the beginning because they are loyal and how can you get to know someone if you aren’t exclusive from the beginning?
Others say that it...
Last year, I sent out an email and asked the women in my Single Over 30 community to share their greatest fears about being single with me.
I received many answers such as:
I fear never being loved for who I really am.
I fear being alone in my old age.
I fear I will never find anyone.
I empathize. I felt these same fears before I married at 46—and I know first-hand they can be difficult to handle.
However, of all the responses I received, the #1 fear was the fear of making a poor choice in a marriage partner.
If you can relate, I want to validate you. Even if your fear isn’t telling you the truth, your fear makes sense.
After all, you may have seen others make poor choices in marriage partners.
You’ve watched those close to you—perhaps even your parents—languish in relational disaster.
And, maybe you feel you made a few poor relationship choices in the past, too.
Maybe you chose a man to marry who wasn’t good to...
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For a chance for your question to be answered in a vlog or blog, send it to: [email protected] with "QUESTION" in the subject line. I look forward to hearing from you!