What to Say to Him When He Just Wants to Hang Out

I answer that question in this episode.

Define Your Relationship Goals

[1:02]

A first step to decide if you want to hang out with a man or not is to clarify what you want. If you want to be married or be in a committed relationship, be honest with yourself. Write down what you want and ask yourself what you would like your relationship life to look like in in six, twelve, or eighteen months. 

[1:59]

If a man doesn’t want a relationship with you, why would you still be with him, especially if you want a man who wants to be committed? 

Are you being honest with yourself?

[2:20]

Ask yourself: Am I being honest? Sometimes even if we don’t want to just hang out with a man, we are still okay with it because we’re interested in him. Sometimes a woman thinks she can change a man’s mind, especially if she spends a lot of time with a guy. Be honest and ask yourself if you’re okay with a “let’s hang out” arrangement.

Are you willing to hang out with him?

[3:47]

Ask yourself if you’re willing to hang out if he asks. If you do hang out with him, you might give up the opportunity to meet someone else. You might be telling yourself that you’re just friends, but is that really true? Are you hoping that you’ll end up in a relationship with him? 

Give yourself clarity

[5:22]

When you break up with a man, it’s important to give yourself clarity, therefore, it’s wise to make a clean break. This is when there is an understanding between both parties that they are no longer dating. In this case, it’s often better not to continue to hang out together, even if it’s a friendly relationship so that both of you can move on. 

Ask Yourself

[6:09]

Are we really friends? Are we expecting something from each other? If you aren’t sure about the answers to these questions, then this relationship is confusing and you owe yourself clarity. 

[6:56]

If you think you’re okay with no emotional involvement, ask yourself, Can this relationship (that’s not really a relationship) prevent me from meeting someone new? 

[7:16]

If you realize that it’s not going to work to hang out based on your answers to the above questions, communicate this to him. 

Making room for someone else

[7:40]

To open your life to someone else, it’s unwise to stay involved with a man if you have broken up. Make sure to explain it to him clearly, even if it’s something that will hurt him. Remember that you can’t be responsible for a man’s response. Your responsibility is to be clear. 

[8:53]

When explaining your perspective about hanging out, it’s wise not to get too emotional because he may perceive that that means you haven’t fully committed to your decision. In order to be clear with your message, stick to the point and avoid feeling that you have to justify your perspective. 

Timid Explanation

[10:55]

You may choose to tell a man not to call you because it’s best for both of you. 

If you feel as if you might be tempted to be drawn back into a psuedo relationship, you can ask him not to call you by respectfully saying, “Please don’t call me. I want what’s best for both of us.” This will let a man know that you care about him but you also care about yourself. 

What you deserve

[11:13]

You deserve a man who loves and adores you. Good boundaries will prevent a man from coming in and out of your life. Don’t spend your time with a man who doesn’t want a relationship. Every minute that you’re with Mister Wrong, you’re not with Mister Right. 

Learn more at https://singleover30.net/

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/single-over-30/id1555536184 

 Learn more about Shana’s Coaching at https://www.shanaschuttecoaching.com 

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