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Breaking up is never easy. But there are healthy and unhealthy ways to handle a breakup. If you handle your breakup in an unhealthy way, you can stay stuck in disappointment and even be tempted to shut your heart down which will sabotage your love life. If you handle it in a healthy way, your breakup can enlarge you and make you more open to love. In this video, I talk about the right and wrong way to handle a breakup.
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Often when I coach women, they tell me what they want in a man. They want a guy who attends their denomination, who shares a particular hobby, or likes to travel. They’ve got this—or that—on their list.
There’s nothing wrong with having a list of traits you’d like in a man. However, if you forget one important truth that I want to share with you, it can cause you to rule out some really great men who could make a great mate.
And this one important truth is. . .
Relationships are like Legos; they don’t come assembled out of the box. Just like you build Legos, you build a life with a man.
Let’s say you meet a man who doesn’t have a particular compatibility trait that’s on your list. You love to snow ski and you want a man who loves it too. Or, maybe you really enjoy traveling and he hasn’t done much of it at all.
If you keep in mind that relationships are like Legos, rather than think, “He’s not a good match for...
Everyday I talk with amazing single women who want to tie the knot and find a trustworthy, marriage-minded man.
But they are totally frustrated. They keep experiencing heartbreak in their relationships and they sometimes feel like giving up.
In my last post (Part 1), I talked about how attracting a quality guy is like having a fence around your yard with a gate. I shared that you can’t control the type of men who approach your gate, but you can control the type of men you let in the gate. And, this is facilitated by having good boundaries.
Today I want to share 8 things that will prevent you from having good boundaries—which in turn can sabotage your love life and keep you in destructive dating cycles.
You won’t be able to set good boundaries if . . .
Attracting a quality guy is like having a fence around your yard. This fence has a gate. You can’t control what type of men approach your gate, but you can control the type of men you let in the gate.
This happens by having good dating boundaries—and these good boundaries will help you attract a trustworthy, marriage-minded man.
Boundaries of all kinds send a clear message to men that you’re not interested in playing games, that you’re not just up for a good time or a hook up, and that you’re not willing to be taken advantage of.
Good boundaries come from having a strong dating plan. And this plan informs how you interact with men. When you have good boundaries, you can be feminine, but strong.
With good boundaries, you can be kind, but also let men know that you’ve got standards.
Here’s the great thing about good boundaries: they will help you weed out men who aren’t marriage minded and aren’t...
When I was a teacher, one of my co-workers stopped me in the hall and told me that her husband said he wanted to move out and that he didn’t love her anymore.
She was in despair and understandably really upset. She told me that she didn’t know what to do and she felt powerless. She was beside herself.
She wanted to beg him to stay.
After he left, she wanted to repeatedly drive by his new apartment.
She wanted to call him and leave messages on his phone telling him how much she loved him and that she didn’t know how to go on without him.
When she told me about her situation, I shared what she could do. “Here’s what you can say,” I said. “Say, ‘I love you and I don’t want you to leave. But if you want to leave, I can’t stop you. It’s your choice. I just want you to know that when you leave, I am going on with my life.’”
“Then,” I said. “Don’t beg him to stay....
Whew! Our world has been crazy lately, right? If you’re like me, you could use a little positivity today.
Good news! I’d like to hold out some hope to you. Before I share more about that, I want to share that within the last week I’ve received several emails from single women with sentiments like these:
“Shana, there aren’t any quality men in my area. I mean, there are nooooo men!”
“Men don’t ever approach me. I am losing hope.”
“I feel like I’m invisible to men.”
“Maybe I’m just meant to be alone.”
Oh, man. I completely understand these sentiments. Because I was unmarried well into my forties, I had plenty of time to utter each of them more than once at different points in my single journey. Being single, when you’d rather not be, can sometimes feel discouraging.
That said, I now realize that when I spoke the above phrases, they revealed something about what I believed:
I believed that...
When I was single, one of my good friends, Cyndi, started dating a man who lived in another state. They traveled to see one another every couple months for about a year and a half—and it was starting to get serious. So much so, that he was considering moving to her city.
My friend and her beau hoped the move would help them deepen their relationship even more, and that they would marry.
One evening when I spoke with my girlfriend, she shared her fears in the form of “What ifs”?
“He’s thinking of moving here and I really love him and want to marry him, but what if he moves here and it doesn’t work out?”
“What if his family doesn’t approve?”
"What if his mom’s health deteriorates and he regrets coming to be with me?”
“What if my kids aren’t okay with him?”
“What if he decides that he really doesn’t like me?”
And on and on she went.
From coaching women, I often find that there are three types of men that come across their paths. (All three of these types of men were a part of my dating journey.)
It can get confusing about which one of these types you should go out with--or date-so today I am going to demystify this topic and show you who which type of man is the kind of guy that makes a great mate.
3 TYPES OF MEN
Mr. High Physical Attraction
The first type of man is the man you are immediately attracted to. There's chemistry between the two of you. Sparks are flying and when you go home, you call your girlfriend, "Oh my gosh, this guy was so awesome and you can't wait to see him again." I call this man, "Mr. High Physical Attraction."
The 2nd type of man is the type that you feel comfortable with. He's the man that you're thinking could be a really great friend. You feel comfortable around him. You feel emotionally and physically safe around him. He respects your boundaries....
What do you do when you feel like you're not enough. . . not enough for love, not enough for a man to respect you, not enough for a man to be loyal. . .just not enough?
Today I want to talk about how this belief can negatively affect your love life—and also what to do about it so you can improve your opportunities to find a trustworthy, marriage-minded man.
This is the 4th topic in my series, “4 Things You Can Do to Improve Your Love Life in 2020.”
I often hear the single women I coach say, “I feel like I'm not enough.”
“I'm not enough to be loved.”
“I'm not enough for a man to remain interested in me.”
“I’m not pretty enough.”
“Not interesting enough.”
“I’m not enough” comes in many forms. But ultimately, it’s rooted in the belief that “I am not enough to get the love I want.”
There are a couple results of this belief that can affect your...
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