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How I Met My Husband: His Story and My Story

 

Several people have asked how I met my husband sooooo. . . my husband Clark agreed to tell HIS side of the story, and I told MY side of the story.

Be encouraged. . . a great relationship can happen at any age. My husband was 51 when we married and I was 46.

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How Long Should You Wait to Kiss Your Date?

 

It can be pretty confusing for a woman to know how long she should wait to kiss her date. Here's my take on the topic. And, I share about how you can get a FREE 30 minute coaching call to help you overcome your greatest relationship obstacle. Get your FREE coaching session here.

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He Said He Would Contact Me and He Hasn't

Hi, Shana.
 
A man I met online told me who told me that he would contact me after he found a place for us to meet up. Well, I'm sitting here and he hasn't contacted me and we're supposed to meet in five hours. What should I do? If it gets closer to our date time, should I text him and ask where we are meeting? 
 
Rebecca
 
Hi, Rebecca.
 
I get that waiting is difficult--especially if you are interested in a man.
 
Here's a little perspective that will help:
 
Dating is like tennis. He said he would "hit" the ball to you by finding a place for you to meet and letting you know where that place is.
Now it’s his responsibility to do what he said, and it’s your responsibility to wait.
If it was unclear that he would get back with you, that would be one thing, but he made it clear that he would check on a place.
 
He knows what he is supposed to do. If he doesn’t respond, that...
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He Said I Should Be Open to Other Relationships

 
Hi, Shana.
 
For the last couple months, I have been spending time with someone from work who has been going through a difficult time since his father's death. We've spent quite a bit of time talking about the challenges in our lives but he says he isn't ready to get involved in another relationship after his wife was unfaithful. He has encouraged me to stay open to other relationships with other men. Is this smart or should I wait to see if he changes his mind? I don't want to miss out on an opportunity with this guy if he is the one.

Reana
 
Hey, Reana.
 
I understand that it's really easy to get your heart set on one guy. Often times, women will emotionally hold onto a man even when he says he isn't ready or isn't interested, thinking that maybe he's just "scared," that he doesn't realize how much he really is interested in her, or that if they just wait and are patient, that eventually he will figure it out and change his mind.  
 
If you...
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This One Thing Will Keep You Single Longer Than You Want

I once spoke with a woman who was in her late thirties who told me about a man she had been friends with for several years. She was very interested in a romantic relationship with him, but he had made it clear on several occasions that they were just friends and he wasn’t interested in her. Still, she said they spent just about every weekend together, and many nights hanging out after work.

As she spoke, I thought about the contrast between how she said she wanted to marry, and how she spent her time. Even though she said she wanted to say “I do,” her actions and words didn’t line up; she wasn’t being intentional about her dating life.

Being intentional means you have a plan. It means you intend to do something—and in this case, marry. And, being intentional means you don’t get stuck in what one of my friends calls, “friendlationships.”

Friendlationships are one of the ways singles waste precious months and...

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How (and when) to Ask a Man to Meet Your Needs

 

Hey, Shana.
 
How long should you date someone to give them time to meet your needs or wants? For example, I'm looking for a man who will pray with me or for me . . . like at a meal time or just as a couple. How long should I give him to meet that need before I remove him from my life? And, if he doesn't do it on his own should I ask him to? You know, we all have a list of things we desire in a mate. Does that make sense?

Thanks, 

Christa
 
Hi, Christa.
 
Thanks for your question. It absolutely makes sense. You ask if you should express your desire. Sure. No one wants to date someone who is sitting back with their checklist and judging that they’re coming up short without communicating what they want.

When two people date—and marry—it’s about both people sharing what they need and learning to serve one another.

No relationship comes perfectly “assembled” from the get-go. 

If you’re interested in a man and care...

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What Your "Type" Says About You

 


I used to think a woman was attracted to a certain type of guy because she has particular preferences. She just happens to like someone tall, someone short, someone dark, someone blonde, someone thin, or someone husky.

But I never considered that the attractions we have—or the types of men a woman is attracted to--say something deeper about what she feels she needs until I spoke with a woman one afternoon on a free 30-minute coaching call.

"What kind of man are you looking for?" I asked.

"I'm attracted the manly type. You know, " she said, "the guy who is a rancher or a cowboy. I just really like the rugged type.”

I asked her what it was about that kind of man that she found attractive. “I don’t know. . . ” she said. “My dad was like that and I just think those men are super appealing.”

I then invited her to tell me what kind of character traits she thought rugged men possess. “They’re strong” she said.

I...

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He Sent Me a Text to Say He is Serious with Someone Else

Hi Shana,
 
I dated a guy for three months last year. During the three months that we dated, I began to develop a strong connection with him. At the three-month mark, he sent me a text message informing he that he can no longer see me because he has been talking to someone else for the past month and that it is "serious."

This completely threw me off guard as I thought he and I were progressing towards becoming exclusive. I asked him to meet me in person for a better explanation of what happened, but I never got the answers I was looking for even though he did meet with me.

Fast forward about 7 months later, I receive a text message from him saying "Hi, I'm not sure if you remember me but I wanted to reach out and see how you are doing." I hesitated, but I did respond. A part of me is curious why he texted me so many months later. A part of me never stopped having feelings for him. Another part of me feels that he is being selfish and seeking a friendship and/or is lonely...
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How Do I Know If I Am Ready for Marriage?

 

Hey, Shana.

 

I would like to marry someday, but I am honestly afraid to commit. I have quite a complicated history due some dysfunction in my family and I am fearful that I won't be prepared to marry. How do I know I am ready for marriage?

 

Thanks,

Sophia

 

Hi, Sophia.

 

I understand that getting married can be scary. I get it. I've been there. I understand that you want to be prepared because you want to make sure you have a successful relationship. 

 

Kudos to you for being aware that there could be some things in your history that could cause challenges in marriage. Many people choose to overlook their past or forge ahead without taking it into consideration. Good for you for being aware. 

 

If you haven't already, I encourage you to get professional guidance and help to understand your upbringing and family dynamics. While I don't understand specifically what you are referring to when you say that there was some "dysfunction"...

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Is My Date Safe?

When I was single, I had a pattern I repeated several times: I allowed men into my life who weren't emotionally safe.

Why would I do such a thing? Well, there are lots of reasons, such as I didn't want to be judgmental, I didn't trust myself to make a good choice, and because I didn't know how to recognize a safe date. If I did know how, I would have been more equipped to date well. And, that would have saved me tons of heartbreak.

Be encouraged. You don't have to shut down your heart out of self-protection or decide you'll never love again because you fear choosing the wrong mate. Instead, you can become equipped to choose well, and when you become equipped, you'll feel more empowered to make a good decision.

With that in mind, here are 5 truths that will help you recognize a safe date:

A safe person will respect your boundaries. In their book, Safe People, Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend describe boundaries as spiritual and emotional "property lines." These invisible lines help...

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