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What Your "Type" Says About You


I used to think a woman was attracted to a certain type of guy because she has particular preferences. She just happens to like someone tall, someone short, someone dark, someone blonde, someone thin, or someone husky.

But I never considered that the attractions we have—or the types of men a woman is attracted to--say something deeper about what she feels she needs until I spoke with a woman one afternoon on a free 30-minute coaching call.

"What kind of man are you looking for?" I asked.

"I'm attracted the manly type. You know, " she said, "the guy who is a rancher or a cowboy. I just really like the rugged type.”

I asked her what it was about that kind of man that she found attractive. “I don’t know. . . ” she said. “My dad was like that and I just think those men are super appealing.”

I then invited her to tell me what kind of character traits she thought rugged men possess. “They’re strong” she said.

I imagine the...

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He Sent Me a Text to Say He is Serious with Someone Else

Hi Shana,
 
I dated a guy for three months last year. During the three months that we dated, I began to develop a strong connection with him. At the three-month mark, he sent me a text message informing he that he can no longer see me because he has been talking to someone else for the past month and that it is "serious."

This completely threw me off guard as I thought he and I were progressing towards becoming exclusive. I asked him to meet me in person for a better explanation of what happened, but I never got the answers I was looking for even though he did meet with me.

Fast forward about 7 months later, I receive a text message from him saying "Hi, I'm not sure if you remember me but I wanted to reach out and see how you are doing." I hesitated, but I did respond. A part of me is curious why he texted me so many months later. A part of me never stopped having feelings for him. Another part of me feels that he is being selfish and seeking a friendship and/or is lonely...
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How Do I Know If I Am Ready for Marriage?

 

Hey, Shana.

 

I would like to marry someday, but I am honestly afraid to commit. I have quite a complicated history due some dysfunction in my family and I am fearful that I won't be prepared to marry. How do I know I am ready for marriage?

 

Thanks,

Sophia

 

Hi, Sophia.

 

I understand that getting married can be scary. I get it. I've been there. I understand that you want to be prepared because you want to make sure you have a successful relationship. 

 

Kudos to you for being aware that there could be some things in your history that could cause challenges in marriage. Many people choose to overlook their past or forge ahead without taking it into consideration. Good for you for being aware. 

 

If you haven't already, I encourage you to get professional guidance and help to understand your upbringing and family dynamics. While I don't understand specifically what you are referring to when you say that there was some "dysfunction"...

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Is My Date Safe?

When I was single, I had a pattern I repeated several times: I allowed men into my life who weren't emotionally safe.

Why would I do such a thing? Well, there are lots of reasons, such as I didn't want to be judgmental, I didn't trust myself to make a good choice, and because I didn't know how to recognize a safe date. If I did know how, I would have been more equipped to date well. And, that would have saved me tons of heartbreak.

Be encouraged. You don't have to shut down your heart out of self-protection or decide you'll never love again because you fear choosing the wrong mate. Instead, you can become equipped to choose well, and when you become equipped, you'll feel more empowered to make a good decision.

With that in mind, here are 5 truths that will help you recognize a safe date:

A safe person will respect your boundaries. In their book, Safe People, Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend describe boundaries as spiritual and emotional "property lines." These invisible lines help...

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"I'm just not attracted."

 

This week I've been thinking about my single journey and about some of the decisions I made along the way--and one of those decisions went something like this:  

Imagine there was a gathering at a church for singles. I'd walk in, look around and think, “Well, there's no one here that I'm attracted to.” And I would leave after the night was over and never go back.

Or, maybe a friend would invite me to her house for a get together. I’d walk in, look around and think, “Well, there's no one here that I'm attracted to” and I'd leave without really having any conversations or trying to get to know anyone.

I'm not saying there doesn't have to be some physical attraction, but attraction isn’t just physical. It happens on many levels. It's physical, emotional, spiritual, and intellectual.

But when we immediately only look at the physical and rule someone out based solely on looks or “chemistry” whether it’s in a...

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