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I used to think a woman was attracted to a certain type of guy because she has particular preferences. She just happens to like someone tall, someone short, someone dark, someone blonde, someone thin, or someone husky.
But I never considered that the attractions we have—or the types of men a woman is attracted to--say something deeper about what she feels she needs until I spoke with a woman one afternoon on a free 30-minute coaching call.
"What kind of man are you looking for?" I asked.
"I'm attracted the manly type. You know, " she said, "the guy who is a rancher or a cowboy. I just really like the rugged type.”
I asked her what it was about that kind of man that she found attractive. “I don’t know. . . ” she said. “My dad was like that and I just think those men are super appealing.”
I then invited her to tell me what kind of character traits she thought rugged men possess. “They’re strong” she said.
I imagine the...
When I was single, I had a pattern I repeated several times: I allowed men into my life who weren't emotionally safe.
Why would I do such a thing? Well, there are lots of reasons, such as I didn't want to be judgmental, I didn't trust myself to make a good choice, and because I didn't know how to recognize a safe date. If I did know how, I would have been more equipped to date well. And, that would have saved me tons of heartbreak.
Be encouraged. You don't have to shut down your heart out of self-protection or decide you'll never love again because you fear choosing the wrong mate. Instead, you can become equipped to choose well, and when you become equipped, you'll feel more empowered to make a good decision.
With that in mind, here are 5 truths that will help you recognize a safe date:
A safe person will respect your boundaries. In their book, Safe People, Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend describe boundaries as spiritual and emotional "property lines." These invisible lines help...
This week I've been thinking about my single journey and about some of the decisions I made along the way--and one of those decisions went something like this:
Imagine there was a gathering at a church for singles. I'd walk in, look around and think, “Well, there's no one here that I'm attracted to.” And I would leave after the night was over and never go back.
Or, maybe a friend would invite me to her house for a get together. I’d walk in, look around and think, “Well, there's no one here that I'm attracted to” and I'd leave without really having any conversations or trying to get to know anyone.
I'm not saying there doesn't have to be some physical attraction, but attraction isn’t just physical. It happens on many levels. It's physical, emotional, spiritual, and intellectual.
But when we immediately only look at the physical and rule someone out based solely on looks or “chemistry” whether it’s in a...
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