It's Time to Find a Marriage-Minded Man You Can Trust

Many things can sabotage a relationship when it first starts--including the words you say to a man. In the beginning, a relationship can be fragile especially since two people don’t know one another well and trust between them hasn’t fully developed. That’s why it’s important that you don’t say these three things to a man, lest you sabotage a relationship that has great potential.  

CHECK OUT THIS FREE VIDEO MY HUSBAND AND I MADE FOR YOU TO HELP YOU LEARN HOW TO TALK TO MEN (TO GET THE RELATIONSHIP YOU WANT, WITHOUT BEING MANIPULATIVE OR LOSING YOUR SELF-RESPECT) Singleover30.net/talk

Tip #1: Don’t tell him “I don’t need a man.” 

Maybe you’ve said this before to a man because you don’t want him to think you are taking advantage of him, you’re needy, or you’re only out for what he can give you, such as money.   Maybe you’ve heard that a lack of independence...

I recently listened to a Ted Talk by Brené Brown on the power of vulnerability. In her marvelous presentation, she said something that struck me.

People who have whole-hearted, vulnerable, intimate, connected, and close relationships only have one thing that separates them from people who don't have these kinds of life-giving relationships: they believe love is possible.

YOU CAN BECOME MORE ATTRACTIVE TO MEN, SIMPLY BY THE WORDS YOU USE. (AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE MANIPULATIVE!) CHECK IT OUT HERE: https://www.singleover30.net/talk

Believe you can get the love you want

When you hear this, maybe you're thinking, “Shana, I used to believe it was possible. I used to think it was possible to have a great relationship and to have the kind of love I've always dreamed of, but I've lost hope.” 

I get it. It can be difficult to hold onto hope as you age. That said, here’s something important to consider: What if you did think it...

Because I didn’t marry until I was 46, there were times I felt as if all the good men were taken.  

This week, I received another message from a woman who asked, “Where are the guys who are committed to honoring a woman, being a provider, and who believe in chivalry? Instead, all I seem to attract are men who are needy, weak men . . . men who don’t have their lives together and who are always leaning on others. There aren’t any strong men anywhere.”

MY HUSBAND AND I MADE THIS VIDEO FOR YOU ABOUT HOW TO TALK TO MEN SO YOU CAN GET THE RELATIONSHIP YOU WANT (WITHOUT LOSING YOUR SELF-RESPECT OR BEING MANIPULATED) Check it out here: https://www.singleover30.net/talk 

So, what do you do when you feel as if you’re only attracting needy men who aren’t the kind you’d like to marry. . .men who--for lack of better terms--don’t seem as if they have grown up? 

Today, I want to share seven tips...

In this special blog post, my husband, Clark, joins me in a dialogue about the best way to draw a man to you and one way that will push him away. Women push men away in this way all the time without even realizing it. You can avoid it, and become more attractive to men.

CHECK OUT THIS SPECIAL VIDEO THAT I MADE WITH MY HUSBAND, CLARK, FOR YOU. Learn more about how to talk to men at singleover30.net/talk

How Talking About Your Man Can Push Him Away  

Shana: Sometimes women tease a guy, that they like, right in front of other people. Some women might have more “teasing” personalities than others. But Clark, tell me, if I am going to tease you in front of other people, when is it good? Or when is it not good?

Clark: It’s never good.

Shana: Why is it never good?

Clark: Guys have egos. We're proud. And we're insecure at our core. So if you make us look stupid, first of all, we don't like that to begin with. If you make us look stupid in front of...

One of the questions I often receive from women is like this:

“I don’t know how quickly I should move from just meeting someone to dating exclusively. I end up giving my heart away too soon and then I get hurt when the relationship ends. How do I know when to take it further with a guy?"

This can be a difficult topic. How do you know when to take it further with a man? How long should you know someone before exclusively dating?

Some people will say that you should date for several months before becoming exclusive, or for six months. There are all types of time frames that you may have heard about how long you should know a man before becoming exclusive.

Other people say that they are exclusive from the beginning because they are loyal and how can you get to know someone if you aren’t exclusive from the beginning?

Others say that it doesn’t matter how long you know one another before you exclusively date if you just feel that it’s right, if...

Last year, I sent out an email and asked the women in my Single Over 30 community to share their greatest fears about being single with me.

I received many answers such as:

I fear never being loved for who I really am.
I fear being alone in my old age.
I fear I will never find anyone.

I empathize. I felt these same fears before I married at 46—and I know first-hand they can be difficult to handle. 

The #1 fear

However, of all the responses I received, the #1 fear was the fear of making a poor choice in a marriage partner.

If you can relate, I want to validate you. Even if your fear isn’t telling you the truth, your fear makes sense. 

After all, you may have seen others make poor choices in marriage partners.

You’ve watched those close to you—perhaps even your parents—languish in relational disaster.

And, maybe you feel you made a few poor relationship choices in the past, too.

Maybe you chose a man to marry who wasn’t good to you...

We recommended that peak because we thought the runs would be a little easier for him. It would better match his skill level. He said, “I don’t know if I would like that or not,” before saying “No, I don’t think so.”

We gently encouraged him, sharing the reasons that we thought that he’d really love the experience of a new peak.

After a time, he reluctantly said, “Okay, I’ll try it.”

We could tell he was scared, and he seemed convinced he wasn’t going to like it even before trying it. However, once he and his grandma came back to our house, he...

I speak to a lot of women about their dating lives—awesome, amazing, wonderful women. Many tell me that they are afraid about dating, or some are so tired of being disappointed that they don’t even want to try.

It may be so messy or frustrating that they may not want to continue putting themselves out there. Does this describe you? If so, then I’ve got four tips you can use to start feeling better about dating today.

Tip #1: Think of dating as a process

Thinking of dating as a process is the opposite of thinking, “I am going to meet my man and I will just immediately know he is the one.” Having this attitude will put so much pressure on you, and it will take the joy out of dating. But if you think of dating as a process of discovery about yourself and about other people, then it will put you in a position of curiosity—curious to just learn about other people and about yourself. It will totally take the pressure off.

I used to coach...

I recently received a message from a woman who has always wanted to be a mom. All she has ever wanted to do was tie the knot and have kids, but now that she is in her forties, she is feeling the dread that accompanies the ticking of a biological clock.

The realization that she won’t be birthing her own babies has settled in, and her heart is understandably aching. She asked me if I could relate because I married at 46. Of course! I always pictured myself finding my Mister Right young, tying the knot and having a family, complete with white picket fence—but that’s not how my life worked out. And honestly, it’s okay.   

But I didn’t always feel so optimistic about it.

The onset of grief

In my early forties I noticed a sense of grief begin fill my thoughts and emotions about not being a mom. One experience in particular hit me hard. One afternoon, while I worked in one of my favorite coffee shops, a woman stood near my table with her...

Imagine for a moment that you've been seeing a man for a while and things seem to be going well. And then suddenly, he pulls away from you and you don't hear from him as much—or maybe at all for a while. Maybe he doesn't text you back right away, or he cancels a date, and you sense that there might be something wrong. Your fear may kick in and you may be unsure what to do. You may feel the urge to flood him with texts or drop by his house. Don’t.

Give him space

It is important to resist the temptation to push him to engage with you because the distance that you are experiencing or him pulling away may not have anything to do with you. This is tough, especially if you’ve been “ghosted” in the past or if you’re the type of person who struggles with abandonment or rejection. It is scary to put yourself out...