It's Time to Find a Marriage-Minded Man You Can Trust

Sometimes a woman will ask me, “How do I tell a man I’m not interested?” Women often ask this question because they believe saying no is unkind. If you feel this way, I want to invite you to reframe your perspective.

In actuality, saying no is not the ultimate unkindness. Not saying no is the ultimate unkindness.

Why would not rejecting someone be unkind? Because when we don't say no and we're not direct, it keeps the guy wondering. He might retain some level of hope, like “Well, maybe she's going to change her mind, or maybe she's going to start being interested in me.”

Sometimes we just kind of breadcrumb him and talk to him when he calls, but not really give him too much attention, in hopes that maybe he'll get the message without us saying what we need to say to just reject him outright.

This is what is unkind.

It’s also unkind if we fall off the face of the earth and he doesn't know what happened, because it's going to leave him with all...

Hi, Single Lady!

This month, my group coaching program members are taking a special class with me called, "How to Talk to Men." Today, my husband joined me to talk about men and their feelings. 

If you've ever wanted a special man in your life to talk about his emotions and you haven't known how to get him to open up, this video from "How to Talk to Men" is definitely for you. 

My husband chimes in to share the wrong way--and right way--to communicate with a man about how he feels. 

I'm rooting for you! 

Your dating and relationship coach, 

Shana

I wish I had a manual for dating and relationships when I was younger. If I had known how to date productively, it would have literally saved me years of time, confusion, and heartache.

In particular, it could have spared me from waiting for men who weren’t interested in me.

Occasionally, I’ll talk with an amazing single woman who wants to marry, and she has her heart set on a particular guy.

Maybe they talk sometimes and when they do, he’s friendly.

Maybe she texts him occasionally and he texts back, but he doesn’t initiate much—if at all.

Maybe they stand around after work and chat.

He’s always nice. He’s kind.

But he’s not clearly showing her he’s interested.

And all the while, she’s wishing and hoping that he’ll make a real move toward her. And in the meantime, she’s looking for little signs that he likes her.

She notices he smiles at her when she walks by his desk at work.

He asks if she’s going to a particular meet up.

He tells her that she looks nice.

But he still hasn’t made a...

Maybe you’re asking, “Really? Are words that big of a deal to men?”

Yes, they are a really big deal because the words you use can convey respect to a man—or not—and respect is a core need for men.

Men (Capital M.E.N) have the desire to protect and care for their woman. They want to be seen as competent. They want to be seen as the hero. And, the words you use with your man will either reaffirm that he is your hero and that you really respect him. Or, if you use the wrong words, you will show him that you don’t respect him, and--much to your demise—you will tear down your relationship.

Listen up. This is really important: If a woman doesn’t know how to use words to show respect to a man, she will repel him instead of draw him to her.

In this post, I want to...

Hi, Single Over 30 Lady!

In my last post, I shared about Debra who falls too fast for emotionally unavailable men, pursues them, and then they leave.

And, I shared why she makes the mistake of chasing me and giving her heart away to them when they haven’t proven they are worthy of her affection: she believes the lie that men won’t pursue women, even if the men are interested.

I also said that today I would share 10 dangerous reasons women fall for men too fast. Can you relate to one or more of these reasons.

1. Chemistry. Research shows that the brain actually changes when someone feels like they are "in love.” In fact, it’s been compared to being under the influence of cocaine. It’s that strong!

Some women have a particular “type” and when they meet a man who meets their vision of their dream guy, they quickly fall “in love” because of the influence of chemistry. This emotional high will wear off, of course, so actually...

Debra has gotten her heart broken by numerous men, so she reached out to me for help. She said she wanted coaching because she noticed a pattern in her dating life: she would meet a man, immediately fall for him, and then he would leave her.

Initially, he might give her enough emotional attention to make her think he was really interested. But then after months of playing a dating “cat and mouse game,” he would finally pull away for good and she would get hurt.

“I get attached really fast. I’m very loyal. When I give my heart away, I give it all. There’s no middle ground for me,” she said. Debra believes it’s a good thing, to be “all in” with a man—and it is.

At the right time.

But when a woman chases a man by sharing how she feels too soon before he has shown he is genuinely interested, when she calls or texts or shows up at his house when he hasn’t given signs of interest, when she tries to push the...

From the time you’re in elementary school and you hope that that special boy will put a Valentine in your box, to when you’re 30, 40, 50, or 60 and you’re dating, being emotionally vulnerable can feel frightening. 

Last week, I had free, one-on-one coaching sessions with three lovely women: One in her 60s; one in her 50s; and one in her 40s. And, although they didn’t say, “Love is scary” I knew that they feel that it is. How do I know? 

Because they reject themselves before a man can reject them. 

Here’s what this looks like:

• A man smiles at you in the grocery store. He’s handsome. Tall. You blush, look down, and tell yourself, “He wouldn’t be interested in someone like me” so you walk away without even starting a conversation.

• A man tells your cousin he’d like to get to know you better. You think, “If he got to know me, then he...

Hi, Shana. 

There’s a man I like. We work together and after work we often spend time talking for a few minutes. One night we chatted for an hour or so but he never followed up by asking me out like I hoped he would. 

I thought maybe I wasn’t making it clear that I like him, so I sent him several texts afterward hoping that he would pick up on my interest. He responded, but he still hasn’t ever texted or called me to ask me out. 

I’m confused because if I text him, he responds, and he’ll stand around and talk to me after work, but he has yet to ask me on a date. Now I feel like I’m emotionally attached. What do I do? 

Tina

Hi, Tina.

This can be difficult when you feel as if a man is sending you mixed signals. This guy is talking with you, but not moving the dating or relationship ball down the field. What you need is clarity so you can keep your heart from getting more entangled. 

The way you get clarity...

Hi, Shana.

There’s a guy I like that I keep running into around town. I’ve seen him at the bookstore, the coffee shop, and I’ve run into him on a local hiking trail a couple times.

He’s really handsome, fit, and I think he’s super attractive. But whenever I see him, I feel like a bumbling idiot. I can’t talk. Sometimes I just ignore him because I am so nervous.

How do I get past feeling like I don’t measure up and that he wouldn’t be interested in me so I can actually have a conversation with him?

Thanks,

Sarah

Hi, Sarah.

My guess is that when you’re around your good friends and family, that you feel relaxed and confident. You might even say you are fun and charming. But then, enter Mister Handsome, and it’s a totally different story.

I get it. I’ve been there.

Here is a mindset shift you can embrace so you don’t—as you say—feel like a “bumbling idiot” whenever you see this guy....