It's Time to Find a Marriage-Minded Man You Can Trust

When I think of all the women I know, I can’t think of a single one who hasn't experienced a relationship or a crush in which she didn’t get the closure she wanted or felt she needed. I know first hand this can be difficult. 

So what do you do when closure doesn’t happen?

To answer that question, I’d like to share the most personal story I have ever shared here on Single Over 30.

I’ve often thought that it’s the love that we experience when we are young that can pierce our hearts the most deeply, both in beauty and in pain. Our hearts are laid wide open when we are young and in love, and they can become pierced straight through when that same love dies. In my own personal story, this was definitely true.

About six months after a relationship with a young man that I had dated for three and half years ended because of my choice, I was plagued with a grievous sense of failure.

I tried to make the best choice that I could for my life; I prayed...

Hi, Friend!

When I was single, I dated three men for approximately three years each. None of them were a good fit for me and I wasn’t a good fit for them.

As I write this, I wonder, “What were you thinking!?”

The truth was, I wasn’t.

I wasn’t thinking because I didn’t have a clue about how to develop an intentional dating plan.

I wasn’t thinking because I didn’t know anything about the 5 stages that healthy relationships should progress through before saying “I do.” (I’ll be sharing more about these in an upcoming course I’m releasing this year to help you date with confidence and clarity.)

I wasn’t thinking because I didn’t know how to identify which character traits in a man were most important for marital success and which weren’t.  

I wasn’t thinking because I allowed the men who pursued me to choose how fast the relationship progressed—and that was often faster than it...

When I was single, I was the Queen of Freak Out. Here’s what I mean. . .

When a new guy would call and ask me out for coffee, I'd say “Sure!” Then, within 3.5 seconds flat of hanging up the phone—in my mind—I’d already met him for coffee, met his mother, I was dating him, I was folding his underwear, and having his babies!

I now know that my response came from the fear of rejection. I’d been hurt in the past, and I didn’t want to have a repeat performance! At the time, I just couldn’t seem to shake overreacting when a new guy came around. It was just a coffee date, but in my thoughts, I was already walking down the aisle!

When it comes to getting to know a man. . . if a guy calls, or sends a text to ask you out, you might find yourself freaking out too.

Believe me, I don’t mean this as condemnation, because I’ve been there—and I know it can be really uncomfortable and painful.

If you start to feel...

Should you give a guy your phone number and invite him to call you? That’s the topic for today.

My husband, Clark, is joining me today to answer this question. 

 {Shana} Okay, Clark, so this week we want to answer the question, “Should a woman give a man her phone number without him asking for it?” I just received this question again this week.

The real sentiment behind this inquiry is: Will I be pursuing a guy if I give him my number?

This can be a confusing topic, because dating has changed so much since we were in high school when a guy would ask for a young woman's phone number and even come and pick her up for a date.

Many conservative women—and women with Christian values--don’t want to pursue a man. They want to be pursued. They want to know that a guy is truly interested in them. They don’t want to chase.

But what we are going to learn today is that pursuing and inviting are two different things.

To answer this question...

Oh, boy! First conversations on first dates, or when you meet a man in church, or in the grocery store, or at work can feel awkward. 

I get it. I experienced more than a few first awkward interactions with men as a single.

Sometimes, it was uncomfortable meeting a man for the first time. I wondered, “What should I say?  What kind of questions should I ask?” And I especially dreaded the thought of the conversation stalling out.

What I didn’t know is that there were tips I could have put into practice to have a great first conversation with a man. And, (yay!) These same tips could have taken the pressure off me so I wasn’t wondering if he was “the one” from our first interaction.

The following 4 tips will help you have a great conversation with a man—AND they will help you relax.

And (bonus!) you can practice the last two tips starting today. 

Then, you’ll be ready to have a great conversation when you meet a...

When I was single, if a man expressed an interest in me and wanted to date, in the early stages of getting to know him, I may have liked him but wasn't ready to exclusively date.  

I often felt guilty for not wanting to jump into the relationship and date only him, and I was afraid. Would I miss out on a good guy if I asked to slow down? Would he think I wasn't interested if I still wanted to see other men? Would he think I was rude?

I wondered if it was okay to let him know that I wanted to date other men while getting to know him. 

In today's post, I share why it's okay to date multiple men at once, and also how to have the conversation so he knows you're still interested in getting to know him. 

Your dating and relationship coach,

I recently received an email from a woman in the Single Over 30 who said she has been dating a great man, but he was married before and she is afraid of being compared to his ex-wife.

Specifically, she fears being compared sexually. 

Here are 6 Tips on how to deal with this fear. I hope it encourages you too! 

Your dating and relationship coach,

Maybe your story goes like this:

You're interested in a man and you'd like to get to know him better. You don't want to come on too strong, but you DO do want to encourage him to pursue you. 

What should you do? 

In this video, my husband Clark joins me to share some great advice on this topic. And, along with some advice, he really made me laugh about something funny.

Check it out.

Remember, the dream you have to love and be loved is possible. 

First dates can be nerve wracking, especially if you’re shy, if you have had some relationships that ended poorly, if you feel like you don’t know how to date, or if you’re anxious about a date working out. 

First dates can also be frustrating if they go poorly. After all, you’d really like to meet a trustworthy, marriage-minded man. 

There are two positive actions you can take that will help when you're anxious about first dates, or if a first date goes badly.

To relieve first date jitters, re-frame your experience.

Rather than think of a first date as a period of time when you will find out if a man is “the one,” think of it as an adventure in learning about another human being. You’re just there to have a good time—and hopefully make a new friend. If it turns into something down the road, great. If not, thankfully, he is not the last man on earth.

Letting go of the need to control the outcome of the date will...

Single women often tell me they’re frustrated and ask, “Why do I keep attracting the same type of guy?” or "Why do I keep falling in love with the wrong kind of men?"

There can be many answers to this question, but one answer is . . .

Love Scripts.

Every woman has multiple Love Scripts that are like silent directors behind the scenes in her love life. They control how she relates to men—and she doesn’t even know it.

Here’s an example from a recent coaching call I had with Tabitha.

While I spoke with her, she said she always attracts men who need something from her. “They’re always in a bad way,” she said. “They’re in financial messes, unemployed, or they’re in some other kind of trouble.”

She said she wants to be in a relationship with a man who shares her faith and values, is responsible, and will care for her. She wants to date a man who is trustworthy and marriage minded.

She wants to commit...