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4 Tips (+ a Bonus Tip) to Help You Answer the Question, "Should I Long Distance Date?"

 

A while back, I received a question from a single woman named *Sharon who asked, “Shana, I’m online dating and I don’t want to move. I love my community. I love living near my family and friends. So, can’t God just help me find someone in my community instead of me expanding my search?” 

Sharon isn’t the only one asking questions about long-distance dating. It’s a topic that often comes up in the closed Single Over 30 Christian Facebook community.  

Before I go on, let me say that I get it. When I was single and in my late 30s, I lived in Colorado. I absolutely loved it and I didn’t want to move. So, when I tried online dating, and when a friend suggested I meet her neighbor who lived four hours away from me, I wasn’t open.

That said, here are 4 tips I shared with *Sharon that I hope help you too if you are asking if you should be open to dating long distance. 

When you’re married, your husband is your first...

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Shana, I Finally Met Him!

Last year, I received an email from a woman in her forties who met a man and she was sure he was “the one.”

She wrote, “Shana, it finally happened! I met a guy a couple weeks ago, and we instantly hit it off. I just know we were made for each other. We have a true soul connection.”

Because I was single until I was 46, I know what it’s like to ache for a relationship and wonder if your desire for love will ever be fulfilled. I know what it’s like for a guy who checks all your boxes to come along and shower you with affection.

But when I hear stories like this (which is often), I always cringe.

It’s not that I don’t want women to find love—and it’s not that there isn’t a chance this relationship could work out.

It’s just that what singles call “chemistry” in the initial stages of a relationship is not a solid indicator of whether or not a relationship will go the distance.

It’s not a good...

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How Important is Compatibility in a Relationship?

 

There’s a lot of talk out there that two people must be compatible for a relationship to last.

But how important is it in a relationship? 

In his book The Meaning of Marriage, Timothy Keller provides a solid perspective about this topic. I hope it enlightens you are single and are looking to meet--and marry--that special someone. 

“If you think of marriage largely in terms of erotic love, then compatibility means sexual chemistry and appeal. If you think of marriage largely as a way to move into the kind of social status in life you desire, then compatibility means being part of the desired social class, and perhaps common tastes and aspirations for lifestyle. The problem with these factors is that they are not durable.

Physical attractiveness will wane, no matter how hard you work to delay its departure. And socio-economic status unfortunately can change almost overnight. When people think they have found compatibility based on these things,...
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LOVE BOMBING: Every Single Single Woman Needs to Know About It

 

Picture this.

You meet a man. He immediately thinks you're amazing. He is so handsome and very charming and best of all, he treats you like a queen. You think he might be the one you have been praying for and waiting for--and you can't believe it.

This is a good thing, right?

It could be. Or, it could be that you are being love bombed. What is love bombing? It's something EVERY SINGLE SINGLE woman needs to know about.

I wish I would have known about it when I was flying solo. It would have saved me tons of time and heartache.

Please watch this video. It's only 3:52 and it could save you tons of tears, too. 

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How I Met My Husband: His Story and My Story

 

Several people have asked how I met my husband sooooo. . . my husband Clark agreed to tell HIS side of the story, and I told MY side of the story.

Be encouraged. . . a great relationship can happen at any age. My husband was 51 when we married and I was 46.

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How Long Should You Wait to Kiss Your Date?

 

It can be pretty confusing for a woman to know how long she should wait to kiss her date. Here's my take on the topic. And, I share about how you can get a FREE 30 minute coaching call to help you overcome your greatest relationship obstacle. Get your FREE coaching session here.

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He Said He Would Contact Me and He Hasn't

Hi, Shana.
 
A man I met online told me who told me that he would contact me after he found a place for us to meet up. Well, I'm sitting here and he hasn't contacted me and we're supposed to meet in five hours. What should I do? If it gets closer to our date time, should I text him and ask where we are meeting? 
 
Rebecca
 
Hi, Rebecca.
 
I get that waiting is difficult--especially if you are interested in a man.
 
Here's a little perspective that will help:
 
Dating is like tennis. He said he would "hit" the ball to you by finding a place for you to meet and letting you know where that place is.
Now it’s his responsibility to do what he said, and it’s your responsibility to wait.
If it was unclear that he would get back with you, that would be one thing, but he made it clear that he would check on a place.
 
He knows what he is supposed to do. If he doesn’t respond, that...
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He Said I Should Be Open to Other Relationships

 
Hi, Shana.
 
For the last couple months, I have been spending time with someone from work who has been going through a difficult time since his father's death. We've spent quite a bit of time talking about the challenges in our lives but he says he isn't ready to get involved in another relationship after his wife was unfaithful. He has encouraged me to stay open to other relationships with other men. Is this smart or should I wait to see if he changes his mind? I don't want to miss out on an opportunity with this guy if he is the one.

Reana
 
Hey, Reana.
 
I understand that it's really easy to get your heart set on one guy. Often times, women will emotionally hold onto a man even when he says he isn't ready or isn't interested, thinking that maybe he's just "scared," that he doesn't realize how much he really is interested in her, or that if they just wait and are patient, that eventually he will figure it out and change his mind.  
 
If you...
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This One Thing Will Keep You Single Longer Than You Want

I once spoke with a woman who was in her late thirties who told me about a man she had been friends with for several years. She was very interested in a romantic relationship with him, but he had made it clear on several occasions that they were just friends and he wasn’t interested in her. Still, she said they spent just about every weekend together, and many nights hanging out after work.

As she spoke, I thought about the contrast between how she said she wanted to marry, and how she spent her time. Even though she said she wanted to say “I do,” her actions and words didn’t line up; she wasn’t being intentional about her dating life.

Being intentional means you have a plan. It means you intend to do something—and in this case, marry. And, being intentional means you don’t get stuck in what one of my friends calls, “friendlationships.”

Friendlationships are one of the ways singles waste precious months and...

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How Long Should I Wait for a Date to Meet My Needs?

Hey, Shana.
 
How long should you date someone to give them time to meet your needs or wants? For example, I'm looking for a man who will pray with me or for me . . . like at a meal time or just as a couple. How long should I give him to meet that need before I remove him from my life? And, if he doesn't do it on his own should I ask him to? You know, we all have a list of things we desire in a mate. Does that make sense?

Thanks, 

Christa
 
Hi, Christa.
 
Thanks for your question. It absolutely makes sense. You ask if you should express your desire. Sure. No one wants to date someone who is sitting back with their checklist and judging that they’re coming up short without communicating what they want.

When two people date—and marry—it’s about both people sharing what they need and learning to serve one another.

No relationship comes perfectly “assembled” from the get-go. 

If you’re interested in a man and care for him,...

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