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8 Ways to Invite Him to Pursue You (without chasing him)

 

When I first met Clark when I was 43, the man who would become my husband three years later, I experienced something I hadn’t experienced with many other men: peace and calm.

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There was zero dating drama, no games, and no wondering where I stood with him. It was so amazingly refreshing! I finally felt loved, seen, and adored—which, was exactly what I wanted after being single until I was 46.

But why was this relationship different? There are lots of reasons, including that he makes me laugh every day. But a main reason was because Clark pursued me. I didn’t pursue him.

That hadn’t always been the case in my relationships. There had been plenty other times in my twenties and thirties when I was the more interested party. I pined after men who gave me relational bread crumbs or who played a lot of cat and mouse games with me.

Unfortunately, I reserved my affections for men who hadn’t reserved their affections for me. I hoped...

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Afraid You'll Always Be Single and Disappointed That You're Still Alone?

 

In my twenties, I just knew I would get married when I met “the one.”

I also knew that when my man came along, that I would immediately recognize him--just like the movie and just like my mentor had told me. After all, I had been praying he’d show up and I knew my love story work out the way I had planned.

 But then when my thirties rolled around and my man still hadn’t arrived, I thought, “It can still happen.” But then. . .when my fortieth birthday came knocking, my tears came too and I didn’t stop crying for a couple weeks.
 
One day I saw a woman at a coffee shop with a baby in a stroller. I asked, “Can I say hi to your baby?” She said, “Of course.” When I bent down to say hi to her cutie, tears unexpectedly started to flow, and I had to run into the bathroom to cry. Grief hit me hard.
 
I felt cheated.
 
Why hadn’t I gotten married like other women I knew? Why...
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A #1 Secret to Improve Your Opportunities for Love

 
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"Shana, Should I Go Out With Men I'm Not Immediately Attracted To?"

 

Hi, Shana.

I want to increase my opportunities to find a mate. I feel I should be more open to men I may not find the most attractive at first, because there may be an opportunity for attraction to grow. If I’m not immediately attracted to a man, I have a hard time communicating with him or going out with him. How do I overcome this as I am aware that I could be missing out on some potentials.

Miss Attraction

Hi, Miss A.

This is a great question and an important one because attraction can be confusing. The first way to begin being more open so you don’t miss out on a good man who could be your Mister, is to change your perspective about how a good relationship can develop.

To help with a this change of perspective, here are some questions to honestly ask yourself.

  • What is it that I hope to quickly feel when I first meet a man who could be a potential mate?
  • Do I believe that this feeling will prove to me that a relationship is worth pursuing?
  • During those...
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The Best Perspective to Find a Great Relationship and Get Married

 
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Why You're Not Attracted to More Men

 
 

Have you ever felt that you want a relationship but you're just not attracted to any men? This can be frustrating, especially when it doesn't make sense why there aren't any men that interest you. 

If you can relate, I want to give you a few reasons why can happens to even the best women, and some things that you can do about it.

Excuses, Excuses

The first point to address is that you might subconsciously be leading with something that's not working to move you toward a relationship. There are some things that people lead with – and both women and men do this – that don't help to foster a relationship and can make them feel like they're not attracted to a person:

  • A list
  • A feeling
  • A type or
  • An outcome

Your Mental Checklist

Sometimes when you go out on a date or first meet someone, you may have a list in your mind of attributes you desire in a partner. Then, on the date, your brain starts checking it off and seeing if this person is THE ONE.

If you're...

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How to Tell a Man You're Not Interested (without feeling awkward)

 
 

Sometimes a woman will ask me, “How do I tell a man I’m not interested?” Women often ask this question because they believe saying no is unkind. If you feel this way, I want to invite you to reframe your perspective.

In actuality, saying no is not the ultimate unkindness. Not saying no is the ultimate unkindness.

Why would not rejecting someone be unkind? Because when we don't say no and we're not direct, it keeps the guy wondering. He might retain some level of hope, like “Well, maybe she's going to change her mind, or maybe she's going to start being interested in me.”

Sometimes we just kind of breadcrumb him and talk to him when he calls, but not really give him too much attention, in hopes that maybe he'll get the message without us saying what we need to say to just reject him outright.

This is what is unkind.

It’s also unkind if we fall off the face of the earth and he doesn't know what happened, because it's going to leave him...

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How to Respond When a Man Ghosts You

 
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A Talk with My Hubby About Men and Their Feelings

 

Hi, Single Lady!

This month, my group coaching program members are taking a special class with me called, "How to Talk to Men." Today, my husband joined me to talk about men and their feelings. 

If you've ever wanted a special man in your life to talk about his emotions and you haven't known how to get him to open up, this video from "How to Talk to Men" is definitely for you. 

My husband chimes in to share the wrong way--and right way--to communicate with a man about how he feels. 

I'm rooting for you! 

Your dating and relationship coach, 

Shana

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Should You Wait for Him or Move On?

 
 

I wish I had a manual for dating and relationships when I was younger. If I had known how to date productively, it would have literally saved me years of time, confusion, and heartache.

In particular, it could have spared me from waiting for men who weren’t interested in me.

Occasionally, I’ll talk with an amazing single woman who wants to marry, and she has her heart set on a particular guy.

Maybe they talk sometimes and when they do, he’s friendly.

Maybe she texts him occasionally and he texts back, but he doesn’t initiate much—if at all.

Maybe they stand around after work and chat.

He’s always nice. He’s kind.

But he’s not clearly showing her he’s interested.

And all the while, she’s wishing and hoping that he’ll make a real move toward her. And in the meantime, she’s looking for little signs that he likes her.

She notices he smiles at her when she walks by his desk at work.

He asks if...

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