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How Boundaries Can Help You Get the Love You Want

I met Steve in a local bookstore. He struck up a conversation with me in the biography section, and within minutes, he asked me out. I’d been really hurt from a bad breakup eight years before and my heart was locked up so tight no one could get in. But because I wanted to be open and let my wall down for a new, quality man, I said “yes.” 

Steve and I went out a few times and he said he felt we were meant to be together. I didn’t share his affection, but—as I mentioned—I wanted to be open, so rather than set a good boundary and tell him I wasn’t ready to exclusively date, I said “okay.” 

After seeing Steve for four months, he was often irritable and impatient—and he yelled at me now and then. But because I didn’t trust myself to make a good relationship decision after my breakup and because I was afraid of messing things up like I felt I had done in the past, I allowed Steve to set the pace for our...

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Why You Should Date the Man You Like (but who doesn't make you swoon)

 

Ted Huston, Ph.D., professor at the University of Texas at Austin, says that marriages that begin with romantic bliss and high intensity are particularly divorce-prone because such intensity cannot be maintained.

As you can imagine, this causes big problems when romantic intensity that cannot be maintained, collides with an expectation that it should be maintained, or that it should last forever. 

When a woman believes it must be true love because we quickly feel strong attraction for a man, we are in danger of being disappointed later when infatuation dies. I’ve seen this happen over and over—even with older women.

Emotional and physical intensity at the beginning of a relationship are no guarantee that a relationship is good or that two people should be together.

In the book, “The Truth About Love,” by Patricia Love, Dr. Huston notes that happier couples don’t consider the end of infatuation a crushing blow, but rather a “natural...

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The Only 2 Questions You Need to Answer on a First Date (or when you are first meet a man)

 
 

Hi, Single Lady! 

Dating can be confusing and with today's expectations about finding a soul mate, immediately knowing if a man is "the one" and the fears that surround not getting getting hurt in a relationship, first dates and first meetings with men can be fraught with anxiety. In this video, I talk about the only two questions you need to answer on a first date or when you first meet a man.  

This clip is taken from Smart Single Women Club, where single women like you get their most pressing dating and relationship questions answered LIVE.

CLICK HERE TO SNAG YOUR FREE, 30-DAY MEMBERSHIP. 


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How Not to Appear Needy and Clingy to a Man

 

A couple days ago, I posted a meme on Facebook that said:

“Showing emotional and feminine vulnerability gives masculine men the opportunity to protect, care for, and comfort you.”

I also shared that men want to know that their woman needs them.

They don’t want a needy, clingy woman, but they do want a relationship with a woman who can show her tender, vulnerable side when the time is right in the relationship.

One woman commented and said that what I shared is confusing. (I get it! It is confusing!)

She commented, "Your message says a man wants to know his woman needs him, then immediately you say he doesn't want a needy woman. I know what needy and clingy look like, but how do you demonstrate need without being needy?"

Maybe you’ve wondered the same. You want to be open and vulnerable, but you are afraid of being too much. 

Okay, here are a few helps: 

A healthy woman can be emotionally vulnerable, but she isn't desperate. She knows how to be...

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Getting Over a Breakup

 

Breaking up is never easy. But there are healthy and unhealthy ways to handle a breakup. If you handle your breakup in an unhealthy way, you can stay stuck in disappointment and even be tempted to shut your heart down which will sabotage your love life. If you handle it in a healthy way, your breakup can enlarge you and make you more open to love. In this video, I talk about the right and wrong way to handle a breakup.

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Here's what Sara had to say about the Club:

"I just watched the last three sessions from SSWC. Wow! They answered so many questions that I have had but haven't had the chance to ask. Thanks!"

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How to Get What You Want Without Ruling Out Quality Men

 

Often when I coach women, they tell me what they want in a man. They want a guy who attends their denomination, who shares a particular hobby, or likes to travel. They’ve got this—or that—on their list.

There’s nothing wrong with having a list of traits you’d like in a man. However, if you forget one important truth that I want to share with you, it can cause you to rule out some really great men who could make a great mate.

And this one important truth is. . .

Relationships are like Legos; they don’t come assembled out of the box. Just like you build Legos, you build a life with a man.

Let’s say you meet a man who doesn’t have a particular compatibility trait that’s on your list. You love to snow ski and you want a man who loves it too. Or, maybe you really enjoy traveling and he hasn’t done much of it at all.

If you keep in mind that relationships are like Legos, rather than think, “He’s not a good match for...

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How to Attract a Trustworthy, Marriage-Minded Man (Part 2)

Everyday I talk with amazing single women who want to tie the knot and find a trustworthy, marriage-minded man.

But they are totally frustrated. They keep experiencing heartbreak in their relationships and they sometimes feel like giving up.  

If you can relate and you want to find that special guy, this post is for you.

In my last post (Part 1), I talked about how attracting a quality guy is like having a fence around your yard with a gate. I shared that you can’t control the type of men who approach your gate, but you can control the type of men you let in the gate. And, this is facilitated by having good boundaries.

Today I want to share 8 things that will prevent you from having good boundaries—which in turn can sabotage your love life and keep you in destructive dating cycles.

You won’t be able to set good boundaries if . . .

  1. You aren’t sure what boundaries are.

    There’s a lot of talk out there about how to define personal...
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How to Attract a Trustworthy, Marriage-Minded Man (Part 1)

Attracting a quality guy is like having a fence around your yard. This fence has a gate. You can’t control what type of men approach your gate, but you can control the type of men you let in the gate.  

This happens by having good dating boundaries—and these good boundaries will help you attract a trustworthy, marriage-minded man.   

Boundaries of all kinds send a clear message to men that you’re not interested in playing games, that you’re not just up for a good time or a hook up, and that you’re not willing to be taken advantage of.

Good boundaries come from having a strong dating plan. And this plan informs how you interact with men. When you have good boundaries, you can be feminine, but strong. 

With good boundaries, you can be kind, but also let men know that you’ve got standards.  

Here’s the great thing about good boundaries: they will help you weed out men who aren’t marriage minded and aren’t...

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When He Wants to Break Up (or Has Said He Needs Space)

When I was a teacher, one of my co-workers stopped me in the hall and told me that her husband said he wanted to move out and that he didn’t love her anymore.

She was in despair and understandably really upset. She told me that she didn’t know what to do and she felt powerless. She was beside herself.

She wanted to beg him to stay.
After he left, she wanted to repeatedly drive by his new apartment.
She wanted to call him and leave messages on his phone telling him how much she loved him and that she didn’t know how to go on without him.  

When she told me about her situation, I shared what she could do. “Here’s what you can say,” I said. “Say, ‘I love you and I don’t want you to leave. But if you want to leave, I can’t stop you. It’s your choice. I just want you to know that when you leave, I am going on with my life.’”  

“Then,” I said. “Don’t beg him to stay....

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How to Set Boundaries with Him, But Still Keep His Interest

 
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