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Last year, I received an email from a woman in her forties who met a man and she was sure he was “the one.”
She wrote, “Shana, it finally happened! I met a guy a couple weeks ago, and we instantly hit it off. I just know we were made for each other. We have a true soul connection.”
Because I was single until I was 46, I know what it’s like to ache for a relationship and wonder if your desire for love will ever be fulfilled. I know what it’s like for a guy who checks all your boxes to come along and shower you with affection.
But when I hear stories like this (which is often), I always cringe.
It’s not that I don’t want women to find love—and it’s not that there isn’t a chance this relationship could work out.
It’s just that what singles call “chemistry” in the initial stages of a relationship is not a solid indicator of whether or not a relationship will go the distance.
It’s not a...
There’s a lot of talk out there that two people must be compatible for a relationship to last.
But how important is it in a relationship?
In his book The Meaning of Marriage, Timothy Keller provides a solid perspective about this topic. I hope it enlightens you are single and are looking to meet--and marry--that special someone.
“If you think of marriage largely in terms of erotic love, then compatibility means sexual chemistry and appeal. If you think of marriage largely as a way to move into the kind of social status in life you desire, then compatibility means being part of the desired social class, and perhaps common tastes and aspirations for lifestyle. The problem with these factors is that they are not durable.
Physical attractiveness will wane, no matter how hard you work to delay its departure. And socio-economic status unfortunately can change almost overnight. When people think they have found compatibility based on these things,...
You meet a man. He immediately thinks you're amazing. He is so handsome and very charming and best of all, he treats you like a queen. You think he might be the one you have been praying for and waiting for--and you can't believe it.
This is a good thing, right?
It could be. Or, it could be that you are being love bombed. What is love bombing? It's something EVERY SINGLE SINGLE woman needs to know about.
I wish I would have known about it when I was flying solo. It would have saved me tons of time and heartache.
Please watch this video. It's only 3:52 and it could save you tons of tears, too.
Several people have asked how I met my husband sooooo. . . my husband Clark agreed to tell HIS side of the story, and I told MY side of the story.
Be encouraged. . . a great relationship can happen at any age. My husband was 51 when we married and I was 46.
It can be pretty confusing for a woman to know how long she should wait to kiss her date. Here's my take on the topic. And, I share about how you can get a FREE 30 minute coaching call to help you overcome your greatest relationship obstacle. Get your FREE coaching session here.
Now it’s his responsibility to do what he said, and it’s your responsibility to wait.
I once spoke with a woman who was in her late thirties who told me about a man she had been friends with for several years. She was very interested in a romantic relationship with him, but he had made it clear on several occasions that they were just friends and he wasn’t interested in her. Still, she said they spent just about every weekend together, and many nights hanging out after work.
As she spoke, I thought about the contrast between how she said she wanted to marry, and how she spent her time. Even though she said she wanted to say “I do,” her actions and words didn’t line up; she wasn’t being intentional about her dating life.
Being intentional means you have a plan. It means you intend to do something—and in this case, marry. And, being intentional means you don’t get stuck in what one of my friends calls, “friendlationships.”
Friendlationships are one of the ways singles waste precious months and...
How long should you date someone to give them time to meet your needs or wants? For example, I'm looking for a man who will pray with me or for me . . . like at a meal time or just as a couple. How long should I give him to meet that need before I remove him from my life? And, if he doesn't do it on his own should I ask him to? You know, we all have a list of things we desire in a mate. Does that make sense?
Thanks for your question. It absolutely makes sense. You ask if you should express your desire. Sure. No one wants to date someone who is sitting back with their checklist and judging that they’re coming up short without communicating what they want.
When two people date—and marry—it’s about both people sharing what they need and learning to serve one another.
No relationship comes perfectly “assembled” from the get-go.
If you’re interested in a man and care...
I used to think a woman was attracted to a certain type of guy because she has particular preferences. She just happens to like someone tall, someone short, someone dark, someone blonde, someone thin, or someone husky.
But I never considered that the attractions we have—or the types of men a woman is attracted to--say something deeper about what she feels she needs until I spoke with a woman one afternoon on a free 30-minute coaching call.
"What kind of man are you looking for?" I asked.
"I'm attracted the manly type. You know, " she said, "the guy who is a rancher or a cowboy. I just really like the rugged type.”
I asked her what it was about that kind of man that she found attractive. “I don’t know. . . ” she said. “My dad was like that and I just think those men are super appealing.”
I then invited her to tell me what kind of character traits she thought rugged men possess. “They’re strong” she said.
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