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4 Things You Can Do to Improve Your Love Life in 2020 (Part 3)

 

In the last two videos I started a series on 4 Things You Can Do to Improve Your Love Life in 2020.

The thing I wish for you is that you’ll wake up at the beginning of next year and you’ll be in a loving relationship with a man who respects and adores you, or you’ll be  further down the road to finding that man because you’ll be better equipped. You'll know more than ever how to have a healthy and loving relationship.

Great news! These 4 Things to Help You Improve Your Love Life aren’t dependent on anything outside your control. They’re all about you--and any woman can do them. 

If you haven’t watched the first 2 videos, I invite you to go back and do that. The links for both of them are below.

Alright, so today is the 3rd thing you can do to improve your love life in 2020 and it’s. . . . (drum roll please) . . .

Ditch what I call absolute or all-or-nothing thinking.

For example, here are some of the things that I hear women...

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4 Things You Can Do to Improve Your Love Life in 2020 (Part 2)

 

Great news! There are 4 Things you can do this year to improve your love life that are completely within your control.

These 4 Things aren’t dependent on if you don’t have a man in your life, if you have a bunch of dates lined up this week, or if there are a multitude of eligible men who live in your town. And, you can do these 4 Things right now. 

Last week, I shared the first of 4 Things. This week, I’m sharing the second. 

Drum roll please. . .

Take some things off your list.

(Did I just hear you groan? Please stay with me. I promise that this will be an encouragement.)

You know the “list” I'm talking about. It’s that  list that you may have revised over the years. You’ve journaled about it; you’ve prayed over it.

It’s that list of everything you want in a man. 

Maybe you're thinking, “Shana, I don't want to take anything off my list because that means I won't get what I want in a man, and that...

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4 Things You Can Do to Improve Your Love Life in 2020 (Part 1)

 

If you’re like most of the single women I know, you’ve got some dreams for the New Year. And, even though you have it together in many areas of your life, there is one dream you’d like to see fulfilled this year: you’d like to find a man who loves you, adores you, and accepts you for you.

In my next few videos, I’m going to share 4 things you can personally do to improve your relational life.

These are things you have complete control over.

They aren’t dependent on a man being around. They aren’t dependent on how many dates you have lined up this week, whether or not you feel desirable or believe if any man would be interested in you. These are 4 things every woman can do to improve her love life.

To begin with the first change you can make to improve your love life, let me say this:

By the time you get to be a particular age, you’ve had a lot of things happen to you in your relational life, and some of those things haven’t been...

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4 Times to DTR (Define the Relationship)

 

What do you do if you're interested in a man, but you're not sure where the relationship is going, and he isn't providing the clarity you need to know what he really thinks?

Here are 4 times when initiating the conversation to DTR (define the relationship) would be in order. 

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The One Big Dating Mistake That Can Keep You From Love

 

When I was single, there were seasons when I spent a lot of time hanging out with guys I wasn’t interested in.  These were nice men—friends even—but I couldn’t ever see myself developing a long-term relationship with any of them.

Why did I do this, especially when it was such an unproductive move for my dating life?

Sometimes it was because I was bored; sometimes it was because there weren’t any other men around that I was interested in, and sometimes it was—honestly—because I wasn’t sure a relationship was going to happen for me. Over the years I had started to lose hope.

So, what wasn’t happening when I was hanging out with these men who would never become my Mister?

I wasn’t meeting new men. And, I wonder if there were men who didn’t notice me because I was with a guy.

If I was out and about with one of my guy friends, another man may not have spoken with me because I was with another man.

If I was at...

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You Can Date with Confidence and Clarity: More on the 5 Stages that Lead to the Wedding Altar

Hi, Single Over 30 Lady! 

Good news! The 5 Stages That Lead to the Wedding Altar aren’t confusing because they’re pretty obvious: 

1)     Acquaintances
2)     Friendship
3)     Exclusive Dating
4)     Engagement
5)     Marriage

Pretty straightforward, right? 

But it’s not the stages that are the problem, it’s knowing how to navigate the stages, and understanding the behaviors that should go in each stage that is often confusing. (Believe me, I’ve been there!)

For example, do any of the following questions sound familiar?
  • How do I tell if he is serious about me?
  • Should I ask him if he is serious about me?
  • How long should I know a man before we exclusively date? 
  • What should I know about a man before we exclusively date?
  • What do I do if my expectations and the stage of the relationship don’t match?
  • How...
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How Choosing a Man to Marry is Like Buying a House

Shortly before my husband and I married we decided we wanted to purchase a home, so it was ready for us to move into after we said “I do.”

We started our house hunting process by choosing a realtor. We toured homes for several days, and then we put an offer on one we felt would be a good fit. But before we signed on the dotted line and picked up our house keys, we had an appraisal completed just to make sure we weren’t overpaying.

And, we also had an inspection done to make sure the wiring wasn’t faulty, the air conditioning worked, and there weren’t any defects in the property.

In short, we went through a process with many steps before we made the purchase. To do otherwise wouldn’t have been smart.

What if we moved into a house only to discover that the roof leaked, or the foundation was cracked, or the plumbing needed to be replaced? That would have been a total bummer to have invested a lot of time and money only to find out that the house had...

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How I Sabotaged My Love Life (without realizing it)

Hi, Single Over 30 Friend. 

Perhaps, like me, you’ve heard the phrase, “Hindsight is 20/20.”

I can’t think of a time when this sentiment was more true in my life than after I married. After I said “I do,” my troubled dating life made so much sense! 

In great contrast, my 28 years of singleness from high school graduation until I finally tied the knot at 46, was anything but understandable. 

Instead it was a tangled journey, sometimes heartbreaking, often confusing, and it was always a mystery to me why I hadn’t married. (Maybe you feel the same pain and confusion.)

When someone asked me, “Shana, why are you still single?” I would just smile and say, “Because I haven’t met the right one yet.” 

I could point to particular ways that the men I dated had failed to love me or treat me well. But the ways in which I could make better relational choices eluded me. 

Like you, I was doing the best I...

Read More . . .

How to Recognize a Love Bomber

 

I grew up like most young women. I wanted to marry in my twenties--and I thought it would just happen. Not only did I think it would just happen, but I had no clue that along the dating road from twenty until I finally married at 46, that I would encounter men who didn’t have my best interest in mind.

I thought love was supposed to go like this: I would meet a man and I would just KNOW. That’s what I had heard and been told and learned from the culture. Even my well-meaning Christian friends sometimes shared this sentiment. (There can be exceptions when two people meet and immediately hit it off, but with most healthy relationships, love takes time to develop.)

But, as you can probably vouch, dating when you’re over 30 can be complicated and it requires discernment.

In this video, I share about a particular type of man that wouldn’t have had my best interest in mind had I met him, and he doesn’t have yours either: the Love Bomber.

(Note: There are lots...

Read More . . .

The Most Personal Story I've Ever Shared on Single Over 30

 

When I think of all the women I know, I can’t think of a single one who hasn't experienced a relationship or a crush in which she didn’t get the closure she wanted or felt she needed. I know first hand this can be difficult. 

So what do you do when closure doesn’t happen?

To answer that question, I’d like to share the most personal story I have ever shared here on Single Over 30.

I’ve often thought that it’s the love that we experience when we are young that can pierce our hearts the most deeply, both in beauty and in pain. Our hearts are laid wide open when we are young and in love, and they can become pierced straight through when that same love dies. In my own personal story, this was definitely true.

About six months after a relationship with a young man that I had dated for three and half years ended because of my choice, I was plagued with a grievous sense of failure.

I tried to make the best choice that I could for my life; I prayed...

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