It's Time to Find a Marriage-Minded Man You Can Trust

A couple days ago, I posted a meme on Facebook that said:

“Showing emotional and feminine vulnerability gives masculine men the opportunity to protect, care for, and comfort you.”

I also shared that men want to know that their woman needs them.

They don’t want a needy, clingy woman, but they do want a relationship with a woman who can show her tender, vulnerable side when the time is right in the relationship.

One woman commented and said that what I shared is confusing. (I get it! It is confusing!)

She commented, "Your message says a man wants to know his woman needs him, then immediately you say he doesn't want a needy woman. I know what needy and clingy look like, but how do you demonstrate need without being needy?"

Maybe you’ve wondered the same. You want to be open and vulnerable, but you are afraid of being too much. 

Okay, here are a few helps: 

A healthy woman can be emotionally vulnerable, but she isn't desperate. She knows how to...

Breaking up is never easy. But there are healthy and unhealthy ways to handle a breakup. If you handle your breakup in an unhealthy way, you can stay stuck in disappointment and even be tempted to shut your heart down which will sabotage your love life. If you handle it in a healthy way, your breakup can enlarge you and make you more open to love. In this video, I talk about the right and wrong way to handle a breakup.

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Here's what Sara had to say about the Club:

"I just watched the last three sessions from SSWC. Wow! They answered so many questions that I have had but haven't had the chance to ask. Thanks!"

Often when I coach women, they tell me what they want in a man. They want a guy who attends their denomination, who shares a particular hobby, or likes to travel. They’ve got this—or that—on their list.

There’s nothing wrong with having a list of traits you’d like in a man. However, if you forget one important truth that I want to share with you, it can cause you to rule out some really great men who could make a great mate.

And this one important truth is. . .

Relationships are like Legos; they don’t come assembled out of the box. Just like you build Legos, you build a life with a man.

Let’s say you meet a man who doesn’t have a particular compatibility trait that’s on your list. You love to snow ski and you want a man who loves it too. Or, maybe you really enjoy traveling and he hasn’t done much of it at all.

If you keep in mind that relationships are like Legos, rather than think, “He’s not a good match for...

Everyday I talk with amazing single women who want to tie the knot and find a trustworthy, marriage-minded man.

But they are totally frustrated. They keep experiencing heartbreak in their relationships and they sometimes feel like giving up.  

If you can relate and you want to find that special guy, this post is for you.

In my last post (Part 1), I talked about how attracting a quality guy is like having a fence around your yard with a gate. I shared that you can’t control the type of men who approach your gate, but you can control the type of men you let in the gate. And, this is facilitated by having good boundaries.

Today I want to share 8 things that will prevent you from having good boundaries—which in turn can sabotage your love life and keep you in destructive dating cycles.

You won’t be able to set good boundaries if . . .

1. You aren’t sure what boundaries are.

   There’s a lot of talk out there about how to define personal...

Attracting a quality guy is like having a fence around your yard. This fence has a gate. You can’t control what type of men approach your gate, but you can control the type of men you let in the gate.  

This happens by having good dating boundaries—and these good boundaries will help you attract a trustworthy, marriage-minded man.   

Boundaries of all kinds send a clear message to men that you’re not interested in playing games, that you’re not just up for a good time or a hook up, and that you’re not willing to be taken advantage of.

Good boundaries come from having a strong dating plan. And this plan informs how you interact with men. When you have good boundaries, you can be feminine, but strong. 

With good boundaries, you can be kind, but also let men know that you’ve got standards.  

Here’s the great thing about good boundaries: they will help you weed out men who aren’t marriage minded and aren’t...

When I was a teacher, one of my co-workers stopped me in the hall and told me that her husband said he wanted to move out and that he didn’t love her anymore.

She was in despair and understandably really upset. She told me that she didn’t know what to do and she felt powerless. She was beside herself.

She wanted to beg him to stay.
After he left, she wanted to repeatedly drive by his new apartment.
She wanted to call him and leave messages on his phone telling him how much she loved him and that she didn’t know how to go on without him.  

When she told me about her situation, I shared what she could do. “Here’s what you can say,” I said. “Say, ‘I love you and I don’t want you to leave. But if you want to leave, I can’t stop you. It’s your choice. I just want you to know that when you leave, I am going on with my life.’”  

“Then,” I said. “Don’t beg him to...

Whew! Our world has been crazy lately, right? If you’re like me, you could use a little positivity today.

Good news! I’d like to hold out some hope to you. Before I share more about that, I want to share that within the last week I’ve received several emails from single women with sentiments like these:

“Shana, there aren’t any quality men in my area. I mean, there are nooooo men!”

“Men don’t ever approach me. I am losing hope.”

“I feel like I’m invisible to men.”

“Maybe I’m just meant to be alone.”

Oh, man. I completely understand these sentiments. Because I was unmarried well into my forties, I had plenty of time to utter each of them more than once at different points in my single journey. Being single, when you’d rather not be, can sometimes feel discouraging.

That said, I now realize that when I spoke the above phrases, they revealed something about what I believed:

I believed that...

 When I was single, one of my good friends, Cyndi, started dating a man who lived in another state. They traveled to see one another every couple months for about a year and a half—and it was starting to get serious. So much so, that he was considering moving to her city. 

My friend and her beau hoped the move would help them deepen their relationship even more, and that they would marry.  

One evening when I spoke with my girlfriend, she shared her fears in the form of “What ifs”? 

“He’s thinking of moving here and I really love him and want to marry him, but what if he moves here and it doesn’t work out?”

“What if his family doesn’t approve?” 

"What if his mom’s health deteriorates and he regrets coming to be with me?” 

“What if my kids aren’t okay with him?” 

“What if he decides that he really doesn’t like me?”

And on and on she went. 

...

 From coaching women, I often find that there are three types of men that come across their paths. (All three of these types of men were a part of my dating journey.)

It can get confusing about which one of these types you should go out with--or date-so today I am going to demystify this topic and show you who which type of man is the kind of guy that makes a great mate.

3 TYPES OF MEN

Mr. High Physical Attraction

The first type of man is the man you are immediately attracted to. There's chemistry between the two of you. Sparks are flying and when you go home, you call your girlfriend, "Oh my gosh, this guy was so awesome and you can't wait to see him again." I call this man, "Mr. High Physical Attraction."

Mr. Comfortable

The 2nd type of man is the type that you feel comfortable with. He's the man that you're thinking could be a really great friend. You feel comfortable around him. You feel emotionally and physically safe around him. He respects your...