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4 Things You Can Do to Improve Your Love Life in 2020 (Part 2)


Great news! There are 4 Things you can do this year to improve your love life that are completely within your control.

These 4 Things aren’t dependent on if you don’t have a man in your life, if you have a bunch of dates lined up this week, or if there are a multitude of eligible men who live in your town. And, you can do these 4 Things right now. 

Last week, I shared the first of 4 Things. This week, I’m sharing the second. 

Drum roll please. . .

Take some things off your list.

(Did I just hear you groan? Please stay with me. I promise that this will be an encouragement.)

You know the “list” I'm talking about. It’s that  list that you may have revised over the years. You’ve journaled about it; you’ve prayed over it.

It’s that list of everything you want in a man. 

Maybe you're thinking, “Shana, I don't want to take anything off my list because that means I won't get what I want in a man, and that means I'll have to settle.”

Let me encourage you: You definitely won’t be settling. In fact, you’ll be able to focus on getting a truly quality man with whom you can be happy.

I'm not referring to letting go of the things on your list that really matter. I’m talking about letting go of those things that won’t determine how great a husband he would be for you, how much he would love you, or how blissfully happy you could be with him.

I'm talking about letting go of those things that aren't character traits. 

I'm talking about letting go of preferences, such as where a man lives, whether he's a widower, how tall he is, what kind of job he has, and other superficial things that don't relate to his character.

Here’s a big key: Women often believe that particular traits or characteristics will make us happy, but they don't actually have anything to do with happiness. Why? Because happiness has to do with the heart.

You can’t serve your heart with things that have nothing to do with heart.

Here's what will make you happy: a man who listens to you, puts you first, and likes to laugh with you. . . a man whose company you enjoy, who appreciates you just the way you are, who is emotionally healthy and shares your values.

Anything on your list that has nothing to do with a man's character traits and how you relate to him as a friend—in the long run—will not have any bearing on how satisfied you’ll be in a marriage or in a long-term relationship.

Additionally, consider this: Couples never end up in divorce court because a woman thinks her husband is too short.

Couples don’t divorce or break up because they don't like the same kind of music.

Couples experience relationship problems because of major character flaws, like selfishness.

Here are a few other reasons to let go of those things on your list that aren’t about a man’s character.

First, research shows prejudices and pre-conceived notions keep us from connecting with others. (And—let me say this gently—there may be some superficial items on your list are based on prejudices or pre-conceived notions. There were definitely some on mine when I was single.)  

For example, if you've got a preconceived idea or notion that you can only be happy with a tall man because you believe short men are not emotionally strong, it will prevent you from connecting with any men who might be a little bit shorter than your ideal.

But in reality, a man who is a bit shorter may be a great leader for you, protect you, care for you, and make you very happy. (A man’s character traits have nothing to do with his stature.)

Preconceived notions—and prejudices—can prevent you from connecting with a man in person. They can also prevent you from meeting him in the first place.  

The second reason to let go of some of the items on your list that aren’t related to character traits is that you’ll start to see dating as an opportunity for discovery.

When you focus on learning about a man’s character traits, you’ll have the opportunity to take your time in getting to know him, because it takes longer to identify character traits than it does to lean solely on chemistry or first impressions.

You'll be interested in digging deeper to learn about a man who may be a great match for you. What a great opportunity for discovery!

You might be thinking once more that this means you’ll have to settle. Not at all. Opening up to learning about a man’s character traits does not mean you’re settling. It means  you’re focusing on what matters most—and what will ultimately make you happiest.

When you focus on character traits, you’re deciding to focus on those things that will guarantee a great marriage over the long haul—and that’s great news!

Finally, focusing on character traits will make you more attractive to the opposite sex because you’ll be open to learning about men, rather than say, “Sorry, not interested” immediately.

And the last reason to let go of anything on your list that doesn't have anything to do with character traits is that it will help you deal with fear.

In the initial stages of a relationship, or when you’re just getting to know a man, it can be stressful if you’re focused on trying to figure out if he’s “the one.”

But when you take a step back and seek to learn about this man's character traits, you'll realize it’s okay if it takes a little bit longer to determine how you feel. You’ll know you don’t need to decide right away if he is right for you because you’ll be looking for more than just chemistry or shared interests.

Be encouraged! I hope this is helpful.

It is possible for you to have the kind of love and relationship that you desire. Alright, so that is the second thing you can do to improve your love life this year. If you haven’t checked out the first thing, you can read about it here:

 Check out Part 1 of this series here. 

And. . .here's Part 2.

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